The Return of Retief
(1984)*
Keith Laumer
Contents
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Members of the Corps Diplomatique
Terrestrienne
Retief— Envoy-At-Large (that is, at large if he's lucky)
Ben Magnan—Economic Officer (and apple-polisher par excellence)
Hy Felix—Information Service Attache (especially attached to his prospective retirement pension)
Ambassador Morris Sidesaddle (a bungler with pigeon-bellied suavity)
Temporary Acting Deputy Undersecretary Hercules Crodfoller (great note-taker of his colleagues' faults)
Deputy Undersecretary "Tubby" Shortfall
Career Minister Homer Sitzfleisch (advocate of forceful chumship)
Undersecretary Clayfoot (skeptical Staff Duty Officer, Sector HQ)
First Secretary and Cultural Attache Chester Underthrust (an old hand, career-wise)
General Services Officer Marvin Lackluster (a tyro learning the ropes)
Political Officer Henry Hencrate
Assistant Political Officer Elmer Proudfoot
Colonel Stanley Trenchfoot, Military Attache
General Ralph Otherday
In addition: Eustace, Clarence, Jerry the barman, and a cast of pen-pushers, obstructors, and obfuscators
The Ree
(tentacles at one end and frills at the other)
Captain Fump (a moron, not especially happy)
Goop (Fump's crewman, none too bright)
Captain Biff (trader of glimp eggs)
Intimidator Slive (six-foot-six column of deceit and other diplomatic ploys)
The Groaci
(five-eyed, crested, with weak throat sacs)
Consul Snith (a go-between, playing both sides of the street)
In addition: belligerent Groaci Legation Guards and a sweet female secretary
The Prutians
(single-visioned, several-armed)
Chief Health Inspector Thise
Civilian Chief Gluck
Jake, the ubiquitous cab driver
In addition: LeRoy, Horace, the Yill Captain M'hu hu, assorted cops
Pushy, the Goblin(s) of Goblinrock
(telepathic, yellow—when not being purple or pink—
mobile cactus—except when being blue tendrils or puffballs)
The Terran Pioneers
Sergeant-Major Grundy (Home Guard boss on Hardtack)
Governor Anderson & Family (Ree hostages)
Chief Heavy Charlie Two-Spears (No. 1 Big Medicine)
Princess Sally (Matriarch from Jawbone)
Powerful Pete (King pro tern from Drygulch)
Cap Josh (ex-pug from Shivaree)
Chief Umbulu (Moosejaw brass)
Boss Nandy (tough, but not tough enough)
Tang the Execrable (robber baron from Drywash)
Stan Spewak (who knew which side of the Arm had the armaments)